"Temperament - Is It Destiny?"

My first job out of college was teaching, English, history and religion at a Catholic high school in Hudson, MA. Of the seven teachers on my floor I was the only female lay- person, there was one male and the other five were nuns. An odd statistic to add to that is that all but one of us who taught on the first floor of that school were born under the astrological sign of Virgo. Virgos, more than any other Sign, were born to serve, according to the literature - service gives them great joy and they are tailor-made for the job, since they are industrious, methodical and efficient.

My husband Larry is an Aries. Our friend Joe, back in '75 when we announced our engagement, was curious as to whether the intellectual, objective Virgo and feisty, energetic Aries would be a good marital mix, and so he researched our astrological chart. A bright young man who was teaching physics at Brown University, Joe asked us both several questions about exact birth date, location and exact time of our births. He asked another set of questions about the date and location of the wedding ceremony itself. The prediction for the two of us was good,, and thus he made us this chart as a wedding gift which proves our match was in the stars. (I don't know what Joe would have done if the outlook was bad...) Such was the Age of Aquarius.

Nowadays astrological signs are not as frequently referenced as they were in that post-sixties era. But there are other systems exists that reveal type. The Enneagram is a popular ancient Sufi teaching that describes nine basic personality types and their interrelationships that is being used fairly extensively in corporate settings. It's also widely taught and referenced by nuns and priests in Ireland, I'm told. One clergy friend explained to me that the Enneagram enhances one's prayer life by revealing one's own compulsive behavior, and in so doing, it also leads to tolerance of others. I'm curious about the Enneagram because, more than once, when interacting in a group I have had one person or another respond to me by saying reflectively, "Of course, you're a five."

My friend Maureen and I have worked on many projects over the years. When we do, we are apt to laugh at our many differences in style and temperament. Maureen sums up our differences simply: I'm a five and she's a three. As a five, I'm reflective, I need solitude, time to pull back. She prefers action. My friend has been involved over the years in many campaigns and projects. A typical three, she thinks on her feet. Solitude and solitary activities are not for her. In fact, like a typical three, she says, she can't meditate. She says when she tries, there's nothing there.

More of you may be familiar with the Meyers-Briggs Indicator which describes 16 different sets of characteristics in four areas about where you direct your energy - how you process information - how you make decisions - and how you organize. Most ministers are able to state their Meyers-Briggs indicator - whether we are an ENFP or an INTJ because we have learned it as part of the counseling that is required by the UUA of all its ministers. Becoming conscious of our own tendencies, helps us to better manage ourselves, at least gives us a better chance at it.

There are many systems that structure a psychology of the human temperament. I glimpsed another recently during a Chalice Thursdays when I sat in on a session of the Wicca class when guest presenter Vickie Thompson gave a brief history of goddess worship. She spent a few very interesting minutes talking about goddess 'types" how different women may relate to different goddesses because they are a kindred type. This system might not be as thorough or revealing as the Enneagram or the Meyers-Briggs Indicator, but I think it would be fun to be able to look at other women and know whether they are an "Athena" an "Artemis" a "Hecate" or an "Aphrodite."

Recent research has shown that temperament is largely inborn. I remember hearing a wonderful story about our former minister, the late Elizabeth Tarbox. Elizabeth's older sister Valerie and a friend (whose name I forget, but it was this friend who told me the story) walked to a playground. Elizabeth, very young at the time, accompanied them, riding an imaginary horse all the way. They played for an hour or so and then returned home. Suddenly, Elizabeth became very upset because she had forgotten to ride her imaginary horse back home. She had left it all alone back at the playground. Elizabeth ran all the way back to the playground, mounted her imaginary horse and rode it home. How in keeping this little child was, with the compassionate adult minister that so many of us were later so fortunate to know. Her empathy was in full flower even then.

Some of us are shy, some gregarious, some high energy, some sensitive, some suspicious, some visionary. Some of us take risks and some seek security. These ways of being are, to some degree, wired in, and play out in many ways in our lives. In the United States, studies estimate that two thirds of us are extroverted, and that one third tend toward shyness. Some degree of shyness can be attributed to ethnic background. The difference between Larry's exuberant, outgoing Italian family and my little reserved WASP family has been a source of humor ever since we got married. Larry and I have also joked many times that our own three children are so different from one another they couldn't possibly be from the same mother and father. Some of our tendency to shyness may be attributed to the way we have been raised, and some to genetics or what we call inborn temperament.

The book Understanding Your Child's Temperament, by William Carey, describes many traits which combine to define temperament. and talks about how to manage certain traits that might need it. Our preferred level of activity, level of habit, comfort with new stimuli and risk, adaptability, intensity, predominant mood, attention span and persistence, distractibility and sensitivity are all, to some degree, inborn and therefore functions of temperament. Some clusters of traits are recognizable. A easy-going person might be flexible, not too intense and fairly predictable. A difficult temperament might be timid in initial reactions, slow to adapt, predominately negative in mood and irregular in pattern. Children who are managed well by their parents growing up will have a much better idea of how to self-regulate when they are older.

Today, December 16th, is Beethoven's birthday and we are celebrating that by hearing and singing some of his music. Now, we all have temperaments, so the idea of calling someone "temperamental" wouldn't seem to be very descriptive. But Beethoven had "temperament" in the way some people have "attitude." Here are some sound bytes about Beethoven from a variety of sources: During his first years in Vienna, Beethoven's survival was mostly dependent on the nobility. However, Beethoven refused to wear the uniform or take the station of the servants and he became the first composer to mingle with rather than serve the aristocracy. .....[Later] He was to become a student of Haydn's, but the temperamental, arrogant young musician and the older maestro did not get on well.... A number of other teachers -- among them the Italian musician Salieri of "Amadeus" fame -- felt that Beethoven was "unteachable." .... Year by year [Beethoven] grew more unkempt, temperamental, eccentric, irritable, and unreasonable in his dealings with everyone around him....

He was a kind and generous man, but temperamental. He lead an unsettled life with family difficulties, poor health, and money problems.

Beethoven remained temperamental until the end of his life. As he lay on his deathbed, he rose a fist in defiance and then died......

Beethoven was obviously very hard to be around. Brilliant musically, by temperament he was probably highly sensitive, intense, inflexible, irritable, energetic and persistent. We know that Beethoven's mother died when he was young and his father was an alcoholic. There was no one to help him manage the more difficult aspects of his temperament. He would have been a difficult child to raise. Today we know that a child like Beethoven could benefit from parents who could help him avoid excessive stimuli and unnecessary requirements to adapt that might cause him to overreact; who could redirect him when he got stubborn, who could avoid reacting to his over-intensity with equal intensity. The quality of his own life and of those around him could have been much improved. Yet, some of the very qualities that made him difficult to manage, heightened sensitivity and intensity, undoubtedly helped him, possibly forced him, to produce is works of genius. Without the pain of his childhood, would the world have been gifted, by the great legacy of his music? That question will have to remain in the air.

And what about us? We all deal with our own issues of temperament. No one is exempt. Temperament affects us here in church when we work on committees and when we worship. I am amazed that for every impassioned personal preference regarding some style of worship, there seems to be someone with an equally impassioned opposite preference. Some love Joys and Sorrows, for example, and experience that sharing in community as a central aspect of worship. Others are frankly impatient with such public expressions and are uncomfortable because they are hearing more than they want to know. Some feel the worship service has done its best work if they cry, a sign that the service has gone deep; others are embarrassed if they get too emotional. Some think applause in the service is a sign of vitality and healthy enthusiasm. Others are convinced that applause destroys the nourishing atmosphere of reflection and meditation which is spiritual food for them. The reason that we never "solve" these issues is that these are issues of temperament. And as much as we might like to feel there is, there is really no moral high ground in these areas.

What can we do? We all have temperaments, we all have to contend with our own and with others'. Some of us are talkers, some have a naturally short fuse, some of us are sunny , others darker by nature. That's true. It's true that we are each stuck with the task of becoming aware of our own temperament, and of trying to manage it. If you are shy you may not enjoy being an official greeter at coffee hour. But do you think you can say hello to one person during coffee hour that you have never said hi to before? It may be tough, but you can do it. If you are a natural 'talker' you can pull back a bit, and balance your talk with more listening. Is your mood naturally darker than most? You can try to brighten it a bit by listening to music or through humor. It isn't easy to do these things, and, of course, you do not want to lose your true self in the process. Consciousness is the key. Our temperament does not have to define our destiny. Learning to compensate a bit is the kind of raised consciousness that can lead to deeper and more satisfying community. Real community cannot be built unless there is consciousness.

We Unitarian Universalists talk about our acceptance across "diverse" theologies - we are proud of the work we do in this area. We are willing to open ourselves up to understanding the journey and world view of others, we try to accept our differences, knowing that we are all works in progress. Temperament is a less glamorous area of challenge, but every bit as important in daily life.